Rules for a Solid Relationship

When it comes to love, in your 20's and early 30's one tends to be an idealist. "We're in love and that overcomes everything." Let's get together and things will sort itself out.  Half the chick flicks and most of Disney seem to market that concept to the masses. Boundaries are not defined and each brings to the relationship their idea of how things will be done, sans much communication. They are in love, everything else is incidental. The relationship invariably fails for a variety of reasons, the usual being they outgrew one another. Point is they never really knew each other. They were in love with the idea of that person till faced with the reality of them. So the parties walk away, disillusioned and never really seeing the underlying issue. and they find themselves, several years down the road, in another relationship. Different person means things will be different. Hardly.

The new relationship fails for the same underlying reasons. No boundaries, or rules of engagement, yet each of us is surprised by the relationship failing and many times, the failure is on an epic scale. "I didn't see it coming, " or " they were constantly trying to change me or never let me do anything. or " she never wanted to have sex after we were married." Thing is these issues didn't suddenly appear, they had always been present. They were simply overlooked and excused, because "things were so good" and " They are just going through something once we're married things will get better," or " I love them." (and love solves everything, right?). One walks away from the ruins usually having to start over in one or more ways and left with the determination to never get involved again, a cynic. However, in all honesty who wants to grow old, cynical and alone. Doesn't seem to be very fun. When you're young, you can be an idealist and make mistakes, learn from them and grow into being a realist.

Attraction, desire, love and relationships are still within one's grasp, simply be wise about it and follow some basic rules, and expect the same from the one you're interested in: 

1. Never mix finances or share bank accounts. 

2.Agree upon who is going to pay bills from a household account

3.Never enter a business contract with your partner this includes cars and real estate

4.Marriage is for tax purposes and if you plan on having children. Instead get a palimony agreement that protects the both of you

5.Give and expect space from one another. Enjoy alone time 

6. Bring what you do best to the table and respect what your partner does best, know your limits.

7.Compromise, be the willow and bend. 

8. Don't go to bed angry.

9. Don't try and change them, Love them for them or move on.

10. Love is the easy part, relationships are effort and work. don't want to put in the time and effort, or they don't, move on.

11.Trust, without it there is nothing.

12. Communicate effectively, this includes listening, giving the other person the time to speak.

13. Revel in your sexuality communicate your needs and desires with your partner, be open to their needs and desires.

14. Know yourself, make your own happiness, combined with their happiness, there is profound joy.

15. Don't hold a grudge.

16. Find joy in the little things, the mundane, as that is what life is made of.

17. Be yourself, if you can't truly be yourself with your partner, what is the point.

Follow these rules and it will be all love and rockets!

Traumatic Brain Injury This is Hell

One moment you connect and the next its gone, or so it seems. You wonder if you're really capable of actually connecting with someone at all.  Your doubts creep into your mind and begin to cloud things up. You want to really like a person but the fear of rejection is so great, you stay quiet. You slowly open up and your paralyzed that now that they know they will go. Because they have, many have, most have and you stand there going, what kind of asshole am I really. Self evaluation time, you pick, examine and you question till you've driven yourself mostly mad with the what and the whys.
Did you yell and scream? No. Did you whine and complain,? No. Did you cling or show need? Goodness no. To need at all sends people running away faster than I love you. You realize you're alone, totally alone and you wonder how it happened. Then you really take a look at things and you realize that you changed. Suddenly drastically, that one afternoon in Sept when your head hit the wall for the 9th time. Another concussion, along with a breakdown. Nine concussions, resulting in brain injury and permenent damage and PTSD.. all very real.  With that, your friends took cover. After much thinking, I realized they used to say to me, "You're the strongest person I know." So what would they think when the strongest person they know, crumbles? Could it possibly happen to them? And they distance themselves. They have their own lives. And then there is the stigma of mental illness. "Why can't you just get over it?" I'm told. "You're just giving into it." "If you just try harder, if you just try at all." "You're letting fear rule you." "You're living in the past." " You're never going to get over it if you keep bringing it up." "You're coping out." "If you just try."  I don't think anyone would say to a deaf person, " you're just giving into being deaf" or someone fighting MS, "You're never going to get over it if you keep bringing it up."  I cannot beg, bargain, plead, pray, push, muscle through, forget, try harder, will it, stiff upper lip, Traumatic Brain Injury and PTSD symptoms away. I have brain damage and brain trauma,  and what symptoms those bring with it are real and present. I've gotten mad at them, despaired at them, cried at them, went through physical therapy to learn to walk again because of them. Been in therapy. I am changed by them. Nothing is more.. surreal that knowing there is a you, that person that once was, and you can't get to that person again. And I can already hear people say, " well if you think you can't, then you never will"  Its not a matter of the power of positive or negative thinking at work here. It is a matter of neural pathways that are damaged. And your brain WON'T be that person again. If I had a choice between this and losing my hearing or a limb, I'd take losing my hearing or a limb over brain injury and damage. And to all this, I am facing it alone. As I mention, those I had went away with this onset. I have not one person in my world, who has said, "I get it" and stuck around. They don't get it and they don't stick around or they keep a great distance from me. I can't do this alone anymore. I am horribly painfully isolated. I just want one person to actually give a shit about me. That I can lean on just a little bit. Just a tiny bit. Without this burning fear if I lean a little too much, I'm a bother, and they will go away. I wouldn't lean to much.  And now its out there, and I feel like I am just whining. This is hell. 

aftermath

The boxes are gone, the paintings removed, the furniture the elegant furniture that filled the room are gone. Short work to empty a life. What made it a home is gone and now its a wide open space, whiter walls, dirty carpets debris left over from a life living.

Life living, now I make my mark on this place. Paintings long stored are now up on the walls, each has a place maybe I'll move them around till the fit just right, a bedroom to move around in, an office to write in.

4 months later I have made this place my home. On the wall are my paintings. Around the house it says I live here, this is my home. Quirky  and different, yet wholly me.

I have made a home out of this white walled box...

A mini enviromental rant

So lets take another potshot at the planet.. the big gas and oil companies oh and lest we not forget the coal companies, are fighting for their very survival.. its not hurting them yet but it will. In the meantime they saturate the media with their lies about cleaner burning fossil fuels. Lets face it, you burn fossil fuels the end result unless it goes through a multi stack scrubber, is going to be pollution spewing out. Bottom line, fossil fuels do not burn clean. But before I get lost in that rant, lets look at the mess they make getting said fuels out of the ground.

First the pipelines they build, an eyesore, regardless of how carefully they build it, they tear up pristine land to lay in the line. Then the drilling itself.... they swear they won't make a mess, nothing will spill, but it only takes one spill..... see the Gulf.... see Exxon Valdez..... see the Santa Barbara beaches....and the landscape is destroyed for decades. If you've never seen an oil spill, trust me its awful.  Everywhere you step, you step in tar, it covers the sand in clumps, shells, the water, its simply a horrifying mess. The worst part are the wildlife covered in it,dead or dying from it. Not a fun way to spend a child hood, on a oil spilled beach.

Moving day

        Since Feb I knew this day was coming. My mother is moving away. Today. The apartment walls are bare except for the few bits of art I've hung up to make it not look so empty and every where I look there are boxes. Numbered One  through 117 stacked up in every available space. White boxes numbered, boxes upon which is written in bold black text,  "live fish," numbered. Green cellophane wrapped paintings, Suitcases and ditty bags. Her green canvas tote with the dragon embroidered upon it. Her bedroom once so full and busy, stands dismantled and bare, everything put away in boxes, taped up standing ready to be moved. A life, a creative busy life, lived but momentarily in that room. Waiting now for another to live life in there. In this case me. 

        How long does it take to dismantle a life you've spent 23 years building? For my mother 4 months. That which I do not understand is why one with so much, such richness in her life would pack up and move away from all that she has built, the friendships she has garnered, the many groups she has belonged to, the one most important she has been with for 23 years. The weather cannot be the full driving factor. All she could tell me is that it was time. 

        It was time... for her, she is nervous, excited, a little anxious, a new vast adventure awaits. For me,  it is time to let go of the safety net she provided for me. The constant I had knowing she was there. Each morning when I woke up, each night before I went to bed. Her sounds, the talk radio, the deep resonance of her wind chimes, a little cough, a sneeze, the sound her phone makes when she text's on her phone, the clicking of her nails as she types on her computer, the sound of her sewing machine purring along as it embroidered for her. Those sounds that said, " hey you're not alone here." Funny as a youth I could not wait to get out from under my parents and now I want to hold on and say, " don't go."

        Apartments, while we call them home.. are really transitory. No mark you can make on them that says " this is permanently my home." They are simply a borrowed place. Their white walls and uninspired box shape, standing there saying,  " shallow roots only."

the most amazing thing I've seen

there is a commercial on tv right now, I think its for intel it asks whats the most amazing thing you've seen...

there is no one thing... each is amazing in its own right... sunrise at redrocks on the shortest day of the year...the very first time I saw stephanie her eyes so bright and blue..amazing... the aurora borialis craclking across the night sky the blues and greens...amazing... the tide as it glows at night.. the grunion running..
sunset at the beach... the redwoods... watching mount st helens erupt...the first daffidill of spring..a storm rolling in off the pacific..an intimate smile..I could go on and on, and I probably will add to this...

Goodbyes

Goodbyes are never fun nor easy... they just simply are. I said goodbye to my friend yesterday, a delightful goodbye, full of laughs, chocolate, red wine and intimacy. But it was still goodbye none the less. He has his things I have mine. He gives the best hugs, and most importantly I am myself around him as he is with me.  A good friend to have.
 At the airport I hugged him tight, kissed him, taking with me the touch the feel, savoring the bond we two have as friends. But it was still goodbye.
Not a good by forever, just till we meet again. May be a few months, may be never again. With us, the two of us, the paths we are on its just an unknown.  What I do know is that as a person I really like him. He is rare in this world, in that you can be yourself around him, and not many people have that acceptance of others. He just is one of those that does. Time with him speeds up and slows down. It is a break being able to just be yourself.  I had a break.  For that I am grateful.
I said goodbye to my friend yesterday, hugged him, kissed him, turned and walked into the airport, got on a plane and flew home. Time to be my other self again. 

Sounds, touch, thought

Wind in the trees. waves crashing on the shore, a meadowlark singing, squirrels shouting indignantly at a cat. The hum of the air cooler in the background from the Safeway. My friends wonderful booming laugh. A 20 something kid high as he ran through traffic the police hot on his heels, "this is real" he announced his voice pitched with incredulity. My friends response along with his booming laugh. The hum of the interstate late at night. The whistle of train far in the distance. The mournful sound of a river barge heading up stream. The roar of a waterfall as it spills over the edge. The sound of thousands of people moving, talking and dancing at Movement.

My friends hug, to be wrapped up in those arms is a nice place to be.  kiss.. tender a promise of what could be. My dogs tongue on my hand. The embrace of friends as one stands and faces a fear. The simple pleasure of just holding a hand. An intimate embrace.

The promise of late fall, gave way to the lushness of its spring. The will of the people here astounds.  I am half way up the hill. I look behind a moment and see I've come a long way. I look forward. I can do this. I am not afraid anymore. Life....is....good.

Breaking up

There are many kinds of break ups. The end of a marriage, the end of a friendship, parents and children ceasing to talk, couples going their separate ways. What it is really is the end of a relationship.


No one sees them coming, or they are spotted a mile away. What is common is that its an ending of the way things are.


Many see endings as a bad thing. End means over, done, finished, stopped, a conclusion.
Those words can be percieved as negative.  It begins to  boil down to perception of the words tied up with a lot of emotion. Anger, loss, hurt, sadness, relief, a sense of liberation. 


Understanding when breaking up can add a sense of continuity to yourself as your path takes a different direction from the other persons.


Why is this relationship ending?  It could be as simple as one person no longer likes the other person, perhaps fallen out of love. One or both parties could have simply changed, and to remain together is more destructive to one another than to be apart.
It could be a situation where its unhealthy, and again to remain would be more destructive than staying.
In any case ending a relationship is usually the healthy move when one is honest with oneself and realizes and understands the why things are over. The problem can often lie in how the break up is handled. Too gentle and the other party may never see things as over and hurting emotionally is unable to move on with their lives. To rough, and the other party is emotionally destroyed and the damage could take years of therapy to overcome and to once again move on with their lives.


If you're not the one to end it, and there is no answer from the other party, sometimes, stepping back and taking a very hard look, one can find the answer in front of them. That things had changed, or the person grew in a different direction or simply it was just not healthy for either parties to be together. 


Of course I wrap it all up nice and neat here, when in reality break ups can be messy and painful. Full of self doubt, anger, tears and a horrible sense of loss. However if one can try and remember the foundation of breaking up, whats underneath all the emotion. The process of getting on with life, can be perhaps a little less rocky.

holidays not so blue

The holidays are over.... finally. The big build up, the expectations, the family. All of it that seems to wind up tighter and tighter from the day before thanksgiving till the big breath of relief that comes with new years day. The holidays do not seem to be much of a break for people. The rushing around going from place to place. Time going faster as expectations get higher. Its a time when people feel more lonely or more vulnerable. But why?

I can't exactly put my finger on it. Perhaps its the different dynamics of people meshing that normally do not mesh except during that one time of year. Perhaps there is the tension of being around these people that you would not normally be around. Yes they are your family and you're expected to love them, but that doesn't mean you have to like them. There is the pressure to be on your best behavior when sometimes  you just want to tell the person to go fuck themselves. There are the inane questions, the stepping into your life when you normally would not have that person within a 1000 feet of your life. Its the stress of enjoying a person, whilst avoiding another. Don't get me started on the comments on appearance or lifestyle. The well meaning/intentioned comments, that are clearly not well thought out.

The holidays are about expectations, of yourself and from others. Yeah, not much of a break.

I think there should be a vacation time, in January post Christmas holiday, where the whole idea is to spend time with the ones you want to spend time with, not the ones your expected to spend time with. A day, a long weekend put it on a Friday or a Monday, and its 3 days of post holiday decompressing.


I spent the holidays alone. I chose to this year, it was the most liberating and freeing time I've ever spent for the holidays I have ever had as an adult. Or since I came to realize that the holidays were actually a very stressful time for people. I highly recommend spending at least one Christmas season either alone or away with a friend. Its the best.

Chunky, a word to ponder

what a word, chunky... Would you want a piece of chocolate or a chunk of chocolate? A chunk of meat seems more barbaric than a piece of meat. The pronoun makes the descriptor work or not. Al  Pacino doesn't yell "Do you want a chunk of me?" he yells "Do you want a piece of me?" Chunk of cheese sounds much more appealing than a piece of cheese." I'll have a chunk of Cheddar to go with that apple, please?"

So, what makes it work in some cases and not in others? Chunk of fish? Yuck! Then again I don't like fish so even a piece of fish sounds nasty. Perhaps its a texture thing. Pudding should never be chunky, probably the same with jello. " Wow that jello was really chunky!" However chunky soup sounds very good especially after spending a day out in the snow. Chunky peanut butter can be a good or bad thing depending upon your taste preference. Chunky orange juice, or smooth? Yes I think its a texture thing as well as a context thing.

Its a gentler way to describe a person. "Well she had a great ass and nice legs but she's a bit chunky around the middle." Much gentler than saying " she was fat around the middle."  Chunks of stuff in your Ben and Jerry's is a good thing but chunks of stuff in your mousse is not. Chunky can be very good or horribly wrong.

Yeah I'm a chunk of chocolate kind of girl that is slightly chunky around the middle. :)

Curiosity and being in the sun.

"The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing." Einstein.
This quote that means a lot. I stopped questioning and my curiosity went to sleep. Without that, I stopped going down a random road or seeing what was over the next hill. One gets so focused on survival one loses the luxury of dreaming and being curious. Ones priorities shift and its a day to day events that grab the focus. Its not the inability to balance its the lack of time left to permit oneself to dream. The dreams get so lost one forgets they ever had them. Whimsical, the childlike wonder, the laughing all get lost. 

I have a friend that did not lose their whimsy, dreams, and looks at the world with wonder filled eyes. When I'm around this person all I want to do is smile and laugh, even during a disagreement. This person is down right now and all I want to be is silly, ridiculous, funny, anything to bring the smile back into this persons voice. It is not that I disrespect what they are going through its more like I want to bring the sunshine back to this persons cloudy day.

A time comes when you find those dreams again, you reach for the whimsical, you look once again at the world in childlike wonder and you laugh, laugh laugh.

Thankfull

Another Thanksgiving has past, much goes through my mind on that day and many things that I am grateful for. I thought that having a small thanksgiving would be lonely and sad. It couldn't be further from the truth. With the absence of a large amount of family, thanksgiving was as peaceful as I have ever had. No tension, no fighting, no knots in my stomach just a day of cooking and vegging.
There are many things that I have to be grateful for, my daughter, my mom, my dog,food on my table, that has been iffy a few times this year. My friends, several in mind, one in particular. Without those friends this year would have been a lot less bearable. My health while not 100%, it seems to be in a holding pattern, for which I'm grateful. I have a roof over my head, insurance, a vehicle. The pieces of my once shattered life are comeing back together and I'm stronger for it. I am thankful for the troops who stand in another country and serve our country. I am grateful for the beautiful blue sky, and the magnificent mountains here on Colorado. I am grateful to be alive and living life.

another hockey diatribe

So, I was in Detroit for a few days.. nice place full of Red Wings Fans, you know that team thats all red with a funny wing and wheel on their jerseys? I and my friend went to a game where my team, the fabulous Avalanche were playing the Red Wings. I was at their arena and everywhere I looked was Red. It was a little unnerving. A few were representing as was I, and as much as I hate to say it, kills me to say it the Wings are a damn good hockey club. Granted I think they are yellow bellied dog weasles for having Bertuzi or however you spell that fucks name, but damn they can play a hockey game. Just freaken kills me to say it. I walked away with a grudgeing respect for the club. Granted I'll never ever wear the red jersey and I will never ever cheer them on against my team or the Predators, but I hope they go after the slimy gits Canucks with all the power and fury they are known to have.

Adventures!

I have this friend! She's funny, smart, driven, and I'm so happy that she is back in my life.
I got to thinking about her today and I remembered one of our adventures.*Grin*


We were living together in Colorado. I was in one of my moods and feeling like seeing what was down the road. It was the butt crack of dawn for her, so I made coffee and went into her room and woke her up. " Get up sunshine, ROAD TRIP!!!" and I shoved the coffee under her nose. How I managed to not get slugged by her I'll never know because I know I had done this to her several times in the past. Anyway..... she cursed me I'm sure but being the absolutely fantastic friend that she is, she pulled her ass out of bed threw on some clothes and we got into the La Bamba ( land yacht) and headed north northeast on I 76. I had decided since none of us had been to Nebraska, that day would be the day to pop our "never been to hayseed land" cherries. Smoking a big fat joint helped a lot too. So we drove and drove, ( its freaken endless and flat out that way) and got rippin baked so as to end the flat land tedium.  


After what seemed like hours, ( hour and half)  we crossed the state line and pulled into a gas station.  We were all feeling pretty good and it was decided that a little humour was in order. Going inside we walked up to the counter, (I'm sure we reeked of weed)  and we asked the guy standing there where Colorado was. Remind you, we were right over the state line in a car with Colorado plates. The guy looked at us as if we had lost our minds and then proceeded to explain that it was right at the next exit. I believe that is when we informed him that we must have missed the whole state. Laughing our heads off cause we thought we were so funny we bought munchie food and left the bewildered gas station attendant and headed further into Nebraska.


I don't remember much more about the day except that I shot several rolls of film ( where those pictures are I have no idea) and at the end of this random road we followed we found an odd valley and a "Little House on the Prairie" church. It seemed weird this old church out in the middle of no where. Could be that I imagined the church I was pretty stoned. All and all an excellent adventure.


I am looking forward to having more adventures with her when I head up to see her this spring. Hoo ya!!

Seven Minutes to Burn

What can you do in seven minutes? Light, smoke and extinguish a cigarette. Share a passionate kiss. Bolt down a cheeseburger. Knock back a beer. Take 3 rolls of film. Listen to part of inagottadavida before going nucking futs. You can watch part of a hockey game, if its Canucks v Avalanche there will be a fight. Listen to your favourite song twice. Make top raman. Take a shower. Day dream. Drive to the store. Sit through previews. Watch commericals, as they are longer than the actual shows. Make Coffee. Watch for the 7th wave. Lay on a rock and ponder the clouds. Listen to someone laugh. Pet your dog. Watch it snow. Listen to the rain on the roof. Snuggle a friend. Share comfortable silence. Laugh. Text message a friend. Get a sunburn. Swim 4 laps. Skate in a hockey game for 7 one minute streches. Find cool beats and a kicken bass line and roll with it. Watch a wild swan fly. Call your best friend just to say goodnight. Write this list. Make fast passionate love. Smile. Dream.

Ponderings

I cannot get motivated today, a lot on my mind equals nothing on my mind. Strange place to be. I've been on holiday for 10 days at a friends house. There is no pressure and its a peaceful creative environment. How can one not be inspired to write and create when surrounded by guitars, drums, art, music, plants and my friend, who is a genuine artist. Being around my friend, revives not only the creative in me, but me as a whole person. Something stifled for way too long. ( no wonder I've been a depressed grump)

My friend is one of the good ones. Challenges me to actually think. Doesn't pull punches when I'm wallering in self pity, being morose, or just going through motions. I have very few friends like that. They are important to me. Another one that just doesn't pull any punches, never did, I just reconnected with after a decade apart.

People are put in your path for a reason some are taken out to be put back in later, some are just placed there and the reason at the moment is cloudy. Then a moment of clarity hits and you're like, "oh yeah duh" Well at least I go, " oh yeah duh." Then again there are times I'm slow to catch on to this whole universal connectedness's even though subconsciously that is the philosophy I subscribe to. I'm turning back into my peaceful, head slightly in the clouds, carefree, conscientious, passionate, sexy, whats over the next hill self.

I told my friend that I did not have an agenda that is not entirely true. I do have one, however it is a personal one that does not particularly involve another. I am just meandering down the road seeing what was over the next rise and that my friend is totally welcomed to join or not. It may seem flaky but there was a time when I only sweated the big stuff, the real stuff, and not for too long because the universe provided and I could take my camera out and see, not look but see. In that I was communicating and all was right with the world. Time to find my way back to that, time to stop digging my heels in and buy a bloody digital camera. Ha ha

Heading home is going to be a challenge of sorts as with time for just myself here on holiday I've done an immense amount of thinking. This is no longer the healing year but the beginning of the growing year. Time to no longer hide. Time to take out that nugget of fear and examine it. Turn it over and over see what it is and expose it for what it truly is, nothing but fear. Time to find my roots grounded in the creative and my spirituality divined in my youth.

The whole thing is really cool!

How liberating is that when you can simply speak what is on your mind, without fear or prejudice? To converse as two sane adults is something that people seem to take for granted as in that many do not converse much less in a sane manner. Passion clouds the mind. Passion of fear, love, like, rejection, doubt, hesitation, that little voice inside you that sabotages. When we speak without fear, there is clarity, understanding, sure footing, a sense of direction, and placement upon a path. It is a starting point of sorts, a beginning, a conclusion, a sense of peace from the absence of trepidation. Apprehension clears, understanding begins. There is a sense of well being when one knows exactly where one stands there is no room for the mind to “make stuff up” to fill in the gaps formed by the inability to communicate.

The joy of conversation comes in many forms but it’s the personal ones which flow and click. When the mine fields are removed and one goes forward with confidence those are the best conversations to have. While the ones solving the worlds problems are stimulating, the ones solving where ones placement is in relation to another is the most productive.

Essentially the whole experience is really cool!!!

Moments

Do I want time to slow down, speed up, or freeze a moment?

I just finished reading Einstein’s Dreams. This is the third copy of the book I initially bought in a book store in Bellingham, Washington in 1994. Reading it always makes me think.

Yes, there are times when I want time to slow dow when something in the future is going to happen and it seems that time is rushing towards it at a much faster pace. It is merely perception but none the less time seems to move faster. Then there are moments that I would like to freeze, a laugh, a touch, a smile, the crash of the waves on the shore.

Those moments are perfect in that, a perfect moment. However one can not stop the moment and ponder upon it one can only savor it and move to the next and remember fondly that moment they wished they could freeze.
Today was perfect moments with a friend. A smile, a conversation, a laugh, seeing his world through his eyes, it was a good day.

         A lyric comes to mind, “lend me your eyes and I’ll teach you to see.” Maybe I had just fallen asleep for a while and forgot to see. I am waking up I can feel it, I know it. A long stretch as my mind clears the slumber and my eyes focus, time to see, time to think, time for me.

Keg on a saturday night

There is a difference between men and boys. Boys, in my definition are someone under 30. They may be brilliant, at the top of their game, a mover, shaker, but with the rare exception for the most part there is a glaring difference in their appreciation for and how they treat women. In that respect they simply are not men, still boys eager to be with a woman and with that eagerness comes a lack of finesse.  A Man that appreciates a woman is totally different from a boy that really likes girls.  Men slow it down knowing they are going to get theirs. Boys rush through it and in the back of their mind lingers the thought they might not get theirs. They lack the finesse of touch, the moment and the feeling a simple caress creates. The shivers a delicate slow paced kiss incites.  A man that appreciates a woman takes time to find out what makes a woman tick, move, react, and respond. Not just physically but emotional and mentally.  A boy rushes in like a frat boy at a keg on a Saturday night.

For all you dating the 30 and under male, do not despair they can be taught communication is key. Learning about yourself first is important; understanding what makes your own self tick can go a long way in teaching your partner how to make you tick. If you don’t say something you’re going to constantly end up being the preverbal keg on a Saturday night.