When it comes to love, in your 20's and early 30's one tends to be an idealist. "We're in love and that overcomes everything." Let's get together and things will sort itself out. Half the chick flicks and most of Disney seem to market that concept to the masses. Boundaries are not defined and each brings to the relationship their idea of how things will be done, sans much communication. They are in love, everything else is incidental. The relationship invariably fails for a variety of reasons, the usual being they outgrew one another. Point is they never really knew each other. They were in love with the idea of that person till faced with the reality of them. So the parties walk away, disillusioned and never really seeing the underlying issue. and they find themselves, several years down the road, in another relationship. Different person means things will be different. Hardly.
The new relationship fails for the same underlying reasons. No boundaries, or rules of engagement, yet each of us is surprised by the relationship failing and many times, the failure is on an epic scale. "I didn't see it coming, " or " they were constantly trying to change me or never let me do anything. or " she never wanted to have sex after we were married." Thing is these issues didn't suddenly appear, they had always been present. They were simply overlooked and excused, because "things were so good" and " They are just going through something once we're married things will get better," or " I love them." (and love solves everything, right?). One walks away from the ruins usually having to start over in one or more ways and left with the determination to never get involved again, a cynic. However, in all honesty who wants to grow old, cynical and alone. Doesn't seem to be very fun. When you're young, you can be an idealist and make mistakes, learn from them and grow into being a realist.
Attraction, desire, love and relationships are still within one's grasp, simply be wise about it and follow some basic rules, and expect the same from the one you're interested in:
1. Never mix finances or share bank accounts.
The new relationship fails for the same underlying reasons. No boundaries, or rules of engagement, yet each of us is surprised by the relationship failing and many times, the failure is on an epic scale. "I didn't see it coming, " or " they were constantly trying to change me or never let me do anything. or " she never wanted to have sex after we were married." Thing is these issues didn't suddenly appear, they had always been present. They were simply overlooked and excused, because "things were so good" and " They are just going through something once we're married things will get better," or " I love them." (and love solves everything, right?). One walks away from the ruins usually having to start over in one or more ways and left with the determination to never get involved again, a cynic. However, in all honesty who wants to grow old, cynical and alone. Doesn't seem to be very fun. When you're young, you can be an idealist and make mistakes, learn from them and grow into being a realist.
Attraction, desire, love and relationships are still within one's grasp, simply be wise about it and follow some basic rules, and expect the same from the one you're interested in:
1. Never mix finances or share bank accounts.
2.Agree upon who is going to pay bills from a household account
3.Never enter a business contract with your partner this includes cars and real estate
4.Marriage is for tax purposes and if you plan on having children. Instead get a palimony agreement that protects the both of you
5.Give and expect space from one another. Enjoy alone time
6. Bring what you do best to the table and respect what your partner does best, know your limits.
7.Compromise, be the willow and bend.
8. Don't go to bed angry.
9. Don't try and change them, Love them for them or move on.
10. Love is the easy part, relationships are effort and work. don't want to put in the time and effort, or they don't, move on.
11.Trust, without it there is nothing.
12. Communicate effectively, this includes listening, giving the other person the time to speak.
13. Revel in your sexuality communicate your needs and desires with your partner, be open to their needs and desires.
14. Know yourself, make your own happiness, combined with their happiness, there is profound joy.
15. Don't hold a grudge.
16. Find joy in the little things, the mundane, as that is what life is made of.
17. Be yourself, if you can't truly be yourself with your partner, what is the point.
Follow these rules and it will be all love and rockets!
Follow these rules and it will be all love and rockets!
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