Ponderings

I cannot get motivated today, a lot on my mind equals nothing on my mind. Strange place to be. I've been on holiday for 10 days at a friends house. There is no pressure and its a peaceful creative environment. How can one not be inspired to write and create when surrounded by guitars, drums, art, music, plants and my friend, who is a genuine artist. Being around my friend, revives not only the creative in me, but me as a whole person. Something stifled for way too long. ( no wonder I've been a depressed grump)

My friend is one of the good ones. Challenges me to actually think. Doesn't pull punches when I'm wallering in self pity, being morose, or just going through motions. I have very few friends like that. They are important to me. Another one that just doesn't pull any punches, never did, I just reconnected with after a decade apart.

People are put in your path for a reason some are taken out to be put back in later, some are just placed there and the reason at the moment is cloudy. Then a moment of clarity hits and you're like, "oh yeah duh" Well at least I go, " oh yeah duh." Then again there are times I'm slow to catch on to this whole universal connectedness's even though subconsciously that is the philosophy I subscribe to. I'm turning back into my peaceful, head slightly in the clouds, carefree, conscientious, passionate, sexy, whats over the next hill self.

I told my friend that I did not have an agenda that is not entirely true. I do have one, however it is a personal one that does not particularly involve another. I am just meandering down the road seeing what was over the next rise and that my friend is totally welcomed to join or not. It may seem flaky but there was a time when I only sweated the big stuff, the real stuff, and not for too long because the universe provided and I could take my camera out and see, not look but see. In that I was communicating and all was right with the world. Time to find my way back to that, time to stop digging my heels in and buy a bloody digital camera. Ha ha

Heading home is going to be a challenge of sorts as with time for just myself here on holiday I've done an immense amount of thinking. This is no longer the healing year but the beginning of the growing year. Time to no longer hide. Time to take out that nugget of fear and examine it. Turn it over and over see what it is and expose it for what it truly is, nothing but fear. Time to find my roots grounded in the creative and my spirituality divined in my youth.